I don't really talk about the family that I came from here on this site or during normal conversation with close friends. As the fourth of eight kids, I have never had a shortage of interesting stories and experiences to share. I think the reason for this is that I feel most of the stories are not worth repeating. I spent the majority of my life plotting on how I would move away from our crowded Chicago apartment and then never return. Yet, they are still my family, and I did not have the courage to turn away from them completely when opportunities came. Instead, I hunted to keep myself busy and distant. I took summer classes while at college, wrote newspaper articles for pennies while living on a friend's inflatible mattress, and then joined the Marine Corps with less than $100 to my name. All to have an excuse to keep from going back. I probably got the nerve from my oldest sister after she set out on her own at seventeen. She now lives comfortably in Italy as an English instructor along with her husband and amazing children. As far as I know, she did not return to the States until after our father died a few years ago. Like her, I had no love for our father. I respect that he was able to provide for all his children. We never went hungry even though sometimes he did. I am sometimes awed when I think of the dedication he had to muster just to keep the family together. He worked two jobs, and I spent most of my life only seeing him at the dinner table before he went out with his friends from the auto shop where he worked evenings. He would come home late and be out for his day time job before I had to wake up for school. When my brothers got old enough, he started taking them to the auto shop with him from time to time to teach us skills we would need once we were adults. When I was twelve, I sat at the mouth of a garage and watched for any traffic as my father broke into a beige Dodge Caravan. A year or two later, I was also stealing cars under the tutelage of him or one of my older and more skilled brothers. When I was sixteen, my oldest brother was arrested while attempting to steal a car. I remember taking the news back to my father who was more furious with me than my brother because I allowed him to get caught. Even though he has known Jessica since we were both young, he would refer to her as "The Whore" until the day he died because we were not married in a church. I later took legal custody of my youngest sister. She lived with Jessica while I was on deployment in Asia. She's now in college on track to enter business school. I could not be more proud of her. In the end though, I do not feel that my father was a bad man. I believe he honestely loved his family and wanted to provide for us and protect us, but he still a man with limited options. He made horrible choices but never with malicious intent. When I think of him, I often think of the opening lines of the Great Gatsby: "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. 'Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,' he told me, 'just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.'” My father was not educated. He had no marketable skills. He was short, sickly and suffered from depression. He stopped drinking when he married my mother but suffered from powerful headaches and sweats ever since. He may not have taught me how to be a father, but he gave up everything to afford his children the opportunity to be successful. And, in that regard, I can't hate him for it. I can't promise to be a perfect father. Perfect does not exist in this world. I can't protect you from every harm and whim of chance you will ever experience. What I can protect you from, I will. Whatever I can teach you, I will. Everything I have and everything I am is yours if it would make your life better than this one that I have enjoyed so much. Because you are alive. Michelle Erin Cutting 01 February 2012
I helped John out quite a bit back in the day with the Fortuna Saga; I made a large portion of those sprites and even took over update duties- under instruction- while he was locked away at his various training schools and other obligations. For Hymns of the Apostate, I have been more or less hands-off only offering help with backgrounds and acting as a devil's advocate for ideas. It has been a lot of fun for me to sit back and watch John work and experience the story as it happens with almost no spoilers or knowledge of how things are feeding into (or being drawn from) the other Canticles. Now, that I have been clued into the greater picture, I'm really excited to be involved again. John has been working on a big project back in The District for the past two weeks which is why he hasn't been able to update. Luckily, Episodes 355, 356 and 357 were almost completed before he left. I received mail from him instructing me how to finish them along with a few dialog tweaks. Please enjoy this update! I'm sorry for the delay. I plan to get started on the next episode tomorrow after I pick up my Wacom from work. |
